So it took me some time to finally sit down and write again.
And obviously i’m feeling all selfconscious and weird about it now. I have been wanting to write for weeks and here I am. Without words and without knowing where I should possibly start. Or end for that sake.
Well, a lot of things has happened. Not only this last month but over the last months, i just wasn’t ready to write about it yet. Not that I know I am ready now, my words will just have to show; I’m determined to ramble on for as long as I can =).
Here goes then:
- I sort of lost motivation work-wise. And I got it back again. Loads. And in very round-about-but-isn’t-it-ironic-way. More in another post.
- I fell in love. Again. And oh, am I living the fairytale. More than anyone can imagine. I like to think I’ll write more about it in another post; it definitely deserves one of its own.
- I decided to come back to Denmark. For good. Actually I resolved not to decide anything, but just brainstorm and play around with ideas and possibilities until the first of June. Well. I made up my mind some time ago, but I guess it’s official now, seeing that we’re writing June 9th. And while I’m still very happy in Italy, I’m very very optimistic about coming back to live in Denmark. I can’t wait to grocery-shop ANYTHING in this world, eat new potatoes and candy, candy, candy. Or look at those immense heavens for hours. Or people-watch. Or having my family nearby. Or eating rugbroed and have massive breakfasts in the morning. Or to want to watch TV again. I know some of you don’t think much of Danish TV but I assure you; you are very very lucky; you haven’t seen nothing (pardon the pun).
This third list item is actually very closely related to the second item, because I come back to Denmark (insert pause and TAAAA-DAAAAH here) because I fell in love with a Danish guy. Actually we already knew each other, since we went to school together but lost contact. But. But. But. That’s another post isn’t it =).
I had already decided to spend some time revisioning my living in Italy. It was my one New Years’ resolution to find out whether I still want to live here. So Martin (yep, that’s his name) came along at a time when I was already open to new possibilities.
A lot of things has changed since I made up my mind about leaving. I knew I had to take my time because I know that *I* need time. And slowly (as time passed) I realized why: I need to savour and enjoy all of *this* here. Ask myself everytime I take out my bike in the mornings and it’s hot and I’m off on my bike along the river. “Can I live without this ? Or can I do this in sh*tty Danish weather? “. Can I live without the food, the wine, the climate, the mentality, everything I got used to in my 15 years here ? And I need to really *feel* a loud resounding YES every time I ask myself that question. YES, I can do without this or YES i can get this/something just as good in Dk. And I get my YES’s more and more often. I didn’t know what I needed time for; now I do. And I live and savour Italy like maybe never before. Something to think about on its own, isn’t it? It comes naturally to ask myself: Is This It ? all the time now. And I get to know myself better, I feel more defined in the process.
So that is good.
I know I miss the Danish mentality a lot. Even reading all of your blogs out there is keeping a “contact” with what being Danish means to me. I realize I have changed my ways living here, but I also know that my sense of right and wrong and natural and logic and possibility and expectation and and and… is very Danish. I think I like the mentality. Though I thrive in the beautiful Italian chaos, I feel tired of always… adjusting. I think I’d like to live more effortlessly. It has been quite the challenge; I have proven I was up for it, that I could do it and do it good. And hey. Denmark might yet prove a challenge =).
I’ll be just fine.
And though I have loads more to say, this will have to do for now.
I have a glass of chilled white to savour, while I make sure that the night falls just fine =).