I think I feel bored. And in no small couple-of-hours-to-kill-way.
No, I feel bored in a big want-something-to-happen-or-I-might-make-it-happen-myself-way.
It has been a while that I have been feeling restless, not really doing anything with my spare time. Not that I have much more of it than the next person, but my spare time starts when I wake up in the morning and stretches out in front of me ’till around 16 in the afternoon. This means that on a normal day I have approximately 7 or 8 leisure hours in a row. I wake up rested, and there I am; 8 hours in front of me, in which to do stuff. It really seems a lot. And I do rest, and lounge around – I am now working fulltime at the restaurant and lulling around doing nothing is important too, I go to work rested and happy most days, looking forwards to get in.
My life in Denmark has settled quite a bit since I came back from Italy last year in September.
I live, where I love to live; I thought a lot about getting an apartment of my own, but I realize it is good for me to have a flatmate; I like to have somebody to come home to, to chat with, occasionally cook for, and K is a really cool guy and fun too. Also; my work doesn’t leave me very social hours, the few friends I am making work in the daytime so I don’t see other people much outside of the restaurant.
Work is splendid. I really have the knack of it. Who would have thought; me, being satisfied, selling food and wine. No offense to waiters anywhere, but I thought I was to work with my intellect and creativity. Not that picking the right wine for a certain dish isn’t creative, but it isn’t exactly rocket science either. I mean; I have passion for food, wine and I love to dine out. Not really hard to see what our guest might be needing, and get it. Kind of satisfying too, to cater to such a basic need as food, and get to do it over and over again; seeing the results immediately and with no delay. As opposed to the advertising world where I slaved my creativity and intellect away for years =).
I make less money than I ever did. And it doesn’t really bother me either. I live nicely enough, but then again, I am not paying a lot of rent (sharing the apartment), I am not buying a lot food (working at the restaurant) and I don’t have expensive habits.
But I feel strangely….sedated. As if I am not… (i have no other word for this) *using* myself properly. As if I feel I could/should *do* more. I have no illusions about ambition. I have one ambition: to feel good. And that is good enough for me, and has been for all my life. So I don’t get this sudden boredom, I don’t think it comes down to ambition. I have had job offers ensuing more money and responsability but I didn’t jump at ’em.
Maybe it is just that life runs smoother in Denmark. I don’t have to fight so much. But I am afraid it bores me. I think I might miss the Italian chaos just a tiny bit. And if that is the case; what the F* am I to do?